New Years
by RollinsFrostFan
Summary: Bad time of year for Amanda, brings back memories of her assault. Not to mention some hostility between her Carisi. The one person she didn't expect to turn on her did. The one person who she never expected to be there for her, being there for her. Takes place current season 19. Please note, I still love Carisi on the show, this was just to fuel into what Amanda is going through


New Year's Eve, one of the most dreaded nights of the year for cops. Drunk drivers, fights, leaving children home unattended just to go out, drink and socialize. Not to mention assault claims after the fact. People get so inebriated that they dont recall giving consent to a sexual act. Once it comes to fruition or the drunk/drugged effect wears off then SVU becomes extremely busy. Bad time of year for alot of people, especially for Amanda. Her memories come back fiercely.

Carisi sitting at the opposite desk working quietly. Things still hadnt been worked out between them. It had been a few weeks now since the incident in West Virginia and he was still giving her the cold shoulder as well as treating her like she was a slut without actually saying the words. She remembered vividly what had transpired that fateful night. He tried to kiss her and she turned her head not wanting to cross that line. Since that line had been crossed with Nick and look how that worked out. They never spoke anymore since he went to San Francisco. Then him seeing her guest leave the next morning. She wasnt intentionally trying to hurt him. She would never, she thought of him as a good friend, and now she felt she may have lost the one really good friend she had. That hurt alot too cause she had grown close to him and even trusted him quite a bit.

Back in Atlanta, needing to get Kim out of trouble yet again she had agreed to sleep with her boss. Deputy Chief Patton. He had told her that if she agreed to his terms they could work something out and get Kim off. Amanda had agreed, not realizing that this would prove to be the betrayal she feared. Her boss raped her. She made a report, then renigged it cause who was going to believe a detectives word over a deputy chief? All they would say was she wanted it. What hurt more was later on, Kim had agreed cause she had to her get her out of trouble.

She was lost in thought when Liv came out telling them they had a case. Liv looked at her and could see something was awry. "Fin and Carisi I need you to go down to Mercy and talk to the vics family. The victim suffered a brutal assault." From what Liv had been told he was a young gay male assaulted by gang who attacked the LGBQT. Amanda looked at Fin and Sonny just scowled at her and walked with Fin talking bout the case and what they needed.

Liv watched Amanda, she could see a glint of hurt in her eyes. "Hey Amanda, everything okay?" Amanda nodded, giving a small smile before answering "Yes. It's just a rough time of year." Liv went against her better judgement and put a hand on Amanda's shoulder, her way of letting her know that she was there for her.

They stayed in silence as the guys came back and they really had no leads on the case. All they knew was the victim was twenty-one years old and had been assaulted. They had no leads on who assaulted him as the attack left him temporarily blinded, the doctors said they believe that the corneas needed swelling to go down and to try back in at least twenty four hours.

With all that Liv told everyone to go home for the evening. Since there were no leads that they could tackle. They would have to come back in the morning for updates.

Couple hours later...

Amanda decided to hit up the bar. Why the hell not? She was a single woman, no ties to anyone. She could drink and celebrate the shitty new year and still go to work the next day and do her job. She just wanted to drown out the memories that were hitting her. Why the hell they started back up again she didnt know.

"Nother whiskey on the rocks please." She had asked the bartender. The bartender obliged. She smiled at him, even flirted a lil. Unbeknownst to her that Carisi had walked into the bar. It was like West Virginia take two. All Amanda was doing was enjoying her drinks on the shitty holiday, best way in her opinion to celebrate the shitty holidays when you were alone. Alone she was, she didnt have a significant other, didnt really have a friend she hung out with anymore. Nope the event in West Virginia cured that, and that hurt deeply. The bartender told her that she had company coming up. Amanda turned around and was face to face with Carisi.

"Hi Rollins. So we are here again. Flirting with the bartender. Gonna fuck him for free drinks too? See I remember back in West Virginia. I wasnt good enough, so you had to go fuck a stranger. Thats pretty slutty Rollins. I didnt think you were so easy."

Amanda's eyes glistened with angry tears. "Look Carisi didnt we already go through this?" He looked at her. His eyes giving that disgusted look. "Yeah we did. Are you gonna tell me the same shit again?" She took a swig of her drink, polishing it off, telling the bartender she wanted yet another. She rolled her eyes "Yeah I believe I told you this, 'you know I'm human right? Right. Alright and human people have sex; sometimes with people they love and sometimes with people they dont even know." He glared at her. "Yep I remember, same ol shit. Good ol drunk Rollins." The bartender who had been witnessing this had seen enough. He told Carisi to leave her alone. Carisi looked at Amanda one more time, he spat "I did respect you, but you seem to just open your legs for anyone especially the booze supplier." Amanda unable to hold her reaction slapped him in the face. "You son of a bitch." Carisi did end up leaving when the bartender told him to either leave the patron alone or he was going to have him escorted out not caring if he worked for the NYPD or not.

He left the bar, the bartender going back over to check on Amanda. She was putting on a front. But also now the alcohol had started getting to her. He asked her if there was someone he could call to come get her. She told him no, she dialed her phone, hoping to get Fin but she had dialed Liv. There was no hiding the upset tremors in her voice. Liv answering the phone unsure as to why her detective was calling her.

"I need a ride. I've had a bit too much." Amanda handed her phone to the bartender who gave Liv a bit of a briefing on what had taken place and that she needed a lift. Liv told him to keep her there and that she would be there asap. When she got there Amanda had sobered up a bit. "Sorry leiutenant. I know this isnt proper behavior. I was fine earlier." Liv told the bartender that she would make sure Amanda got home. Getting Amanda to the car proved to be a feat. Amanda was somewhat sobered up but not alot, not to mention highly aggressive from her interaction with Carisi not that long ago. "Liv I'm fine. I honestly dont know why I called you. I came out to have a few drinks and watch the ball drop and thats not happening." Liv turned up the heat in the car feeling a bit of chill and wanting to make sure Amanda was warm enough. "Hey you dont need to explain yourself Amanda. You came out for New Years, nothing wrong with that. You werent beligerent at the bar, the bartender told me that Carisi started with you. You can tell me to mind my own business but I have to ask." Amanda looked at Liv, her blue eyes showing hurt but also telling Liv to go ahead and ask.

Liv patted Amanda's hand "What went down between you and Carisi, Amanda? It's been very hostile with the two of you since you guys went to West Virginia. Before you answer that, I'm bringing you to my apartment. I dont want to leave you by yourself right now." Amanda rolled her eyes, she hated being coddled, this was a big fucking mistake to call Liv to come get her.

"I dont need a damn babysitter Liv. I'm a big girl." Amanda spat, she then turned to face the window. She didnt do anything wrong but she has to all the sudden have a babysitter. What the fuck. "Liv, I just want to go home drink my booze and go to bed. New Years Eve sucks when you're single." Liv just continued to drive to her place. "Amanda I've got booze at my place. With your mood lately I prefer that you not be alone." Liv understood Amanda was going through a whole lot, she wasnt going to chastise her subordinate. Tonight wasnt about Benson and Rollins colleagues, tonight was going to be about friends and it definitly seemed Amanda needed one though she had her guard up and wanted to push away.

They get to Liv's apartment, Liv ushering the blonde upstairs as the booze and fatigue were starting to hit all at once. "Liv seriously I just want to get bombed tonight. I hate new years. The damn holiday doesnt bring me any happiness. Its always the same shit that fucks with me. I really dont want to put a damper on your evening. I'm miserable." Liv managed to get her subordinate inside, getting both of their coats removed and situated on the plush couch that Liv owned.

Taking a deep breath Amanda spoke "Liv do you have anything to drink, I have a funny feeling you are going to tell me you have no alcohol." Liv nodded, "yes I have plenty to drink. How bout both of us have no alcohol til the new years toast?" After Liv got them some coffee Amanda began to relax. Liv asking her what had been going on. Amanda trying to shrug off her new years depression, wasnt happening. "Liv if you really want to know whats been going on I will tell you." Liv nodded and sat back telling Amanda that she wanted to hear whatever it was that Amanda wanted to talk about.

It took a lil bit of time before Amanda told what was up. Liv had known about Patton, as that had come out a short time ago. Liv had handled it wrong there, handing that damn card to a shrink but she was making up for it now. She went on saying how she was the one at fault and everything. She was not the one at fault for what Patton did to her and Liv wanted her to know that. Amanda started rubbing at her eyes as tears were starting to fall. Liv was listening and not holding any judgement. Hell Carisi had been the same way with their friendship but that went into the shitter. Would this too? Would she fuck this up?

"So now you know all of that Liv. Carisi knows most except for the details of what occured with Patton. You wanted to know what happened between us in West Virginia. You see after we got the catfisher and had her in holding until we had the paperwork to have her extradited to NY, Carisi, myself and another officer hit up a local bar. It was just to relax and kick back ya know have a couple beers." Liv nodded understanding hey she knew how that went, herself wanting a few glasses of wine when a case was tough. Amanda went on telling her how they joked as they went back to their hotel rooms. Carisi being a tad more inebriated than her attempted to kiss her. "Liv I turned my head, it was awkward and I didnt want to do that. He was also drunk so it brought back memories of my rape. Now I know Carisi never would, but it was a trigger. He was drunk, we were at a hotel. I told him good night and see him in the am. He walked off, yeah he seemed hurt and let down but I really didnt want to go there." Liv took a drink of her coffee and Amanda did as well before going on. "So I ended up having a guest over. Yes it was a one night deal, but Liv it was my choice. My choice to sleep with someone other than him. Ever since we've been back its been awkward and hes just been nasty."

Liv put down the coffee cup, she pulled her colleague into a hug. "Sweetie just so you know you arent a slut. It was your choice. Carisi has no business making you second guess yourself. Nor does he have the right to be treating you the way he has been. I dont go for that. Hurt feelings or not Amanda he doesnt get that right."

After a long pause and still being in Liv's arms, she relished the hold. She relished that she had a caring person listening to her. "What a new year huh?" Liv rubbed her back, soothing circular motions. "Come on sweetie, lets get some shots and toast in this new year." Getting their shots, turning on the countdown just in time 10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 HAPPY NEW YEAR." Liv hugged Amanda, Amanda resting her head on Liv's shoulder. "Thank you Liv for being here for me. For being a friend I never thought I'd have." They had another toast and leaned back on the couch, Liv finding a station playing ' I Love Lucy' reruns. No sooner did she lean back that Amanda reclaimed her spot laying her head on Liv's shoulder and fell asleep.


End file.
